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Day 11: People Pleasing or Nah?

My husband and I had been together for 7 years when he proposed.  So of course, I had already planned the entire wedding in my head and on paper.  Lol 

When he popped the question in August 2020 (right during the peak of COVID), I was already planning ahead.  Because the virus was so rampant during this time, I just knew it would be easier to break the news to people that we weren’t having a large wedding, but an intimate ceremony between the 2 of us.  Was I right or was I wrong?

Since my fiancé (at the time) and I already had a son, we of course wanted our son to be there.  And as we thought on the people who were important to us and witnessing our union, we wanted our parents and grandparents to be there as well.  (We originally wanted our siblings to join the ceremony as well, but due to the restrictions at the venue of choice, we chose for them to join us at our brunch/reception instead).  So as all of these thoughts and plans were roaming my mind, one of the first things I thought of was – what would people want?  I mean, all of my needs and desires were taken into consideration, but I immediately went into people-pleasing mode as I wondered what would please everyone else as I made plans for my big day. So much so, that even once I solidified what we would do (intimate ceremony with our immediate families), I thought of how I could still accommodate others’ desires.  So I told our parents and siblings not to tell anything to anyone else, under the premise that I wanted to “surprise them” and have a bigger reception at a later date. 

Did everything go how I planned?  Nope.  Not even close.  Obviously, people opened their mouths so now I have people knowing I’m getting married but they also know I didn’t want them to know so they are acting as if they never knew.  And then the day finally comes.  What happens?  Our tire went flat on the ride… oh, and that’s not all… it rains.  And what do I do?  I start thinking of everyone else.  Not everyone, but all the people (parents/grandparents/siblings) that drove down to Charleston to celebrate our union.  I start thinking of how everything is getting pushed back and people are being inconvenienced because of us.  It took the wedding event coordinator to remind me that “this is your day.. do what you want to do” for me to realize that even in the midst of this joyous occasion, I am still thinking about every one else!  Our wedding ceremony comes and goes.. (might I add, one of the best days of my life, proving that none of that other stuff really even mattered) and once we made it back home and everything else started to sink in, I go right back into people-pleasing mode.  Now, I’m trying create the “perfect” wedding announcement to send to our extended families.  We finally sent them.. I tell you no lie. Maybe 3 people out of our entire families reached out to us to tell us congratulations.  Upset was an understatement to describe how I felt.  It’s nearly 2 years later and I still hurt sometimes when I think about it.  But you know what it made me realize – that what people thought never really mattered.  It was never about them or even me.  It was about the commitment and vow my husband and I were making to God.  It was about honoring and giving glory to GOD.

There I was, trying to do things for my special day with other people’s thoughts and feelings in mind, when they were still unsatisfied.  And, if you haven’t guessed it yet.. there are still people who are salty about the way we chose to get married (without telling anyone of our plans).  It’s like no matter what you do, there will always be someone who isn’t pleased.  So why do things to please others anyway?

This story isn’t the only time that I have found myself being a people-pleaser.  There have been many times, even within this business, that I have found myself doing things to please and accommodate every one else.  But by doing this, I not only silence myself or do things that I was never intended to do anyway... but I also take away from living the life that I am called to live.. and being the person that I am called to be.

Our goal in life should not be to please other people.  By doing so, we will still be left empty, disappointed, and unfulfilled.  Instead, we should strive to please the one and only one who truly matters – God.  Because all power is in His hands.  And… He – not us or even any one else – deserves ALL the glory.

 

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For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:2

But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.  - 1 Thessalonians 2:4


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